Planning a multicultural wedding can feel like an exciting yet overwhelming task, wondering how to do justice to both of your cultures and enjoy the process. Luckily we know a thing or two about fusion celebrations, and we’re happy to let you in on our 15 (yes really!) best bits of advice.
Keep these 15 things in mind when planning a multicultural wedding:
1. Approach wedding planning with curiosity and acceptance
However integrated your lives already are and however much you’ve already learned about your partner’s culture, when it comes to planning your wedding you’ll uncover another new realm of traditions, customs and requirements that influence your celebrations. Approach the process with curiosity, openness and acceptance, and enjoy discovering even more new things about each other’s worlds. Leading with this ensures everything else falls into place much more easily and enjoyably.
2. Treasure the similarities as well as the differences
One thing that really stands out to us when helping couples plan multicultural weddings is just how many similarities there are, even when on the surface their celebratory customs look very different. The meanings behind certain ceremonial moments are often rooted in the same significance, which we think is a really beautiful thing. Have in-depth conversations with your partner about why certain things happen during your weddings, and you’ll be surprised with how much alignment you’ll find.
3. Combine your cultures into one celebratory day…or 4. Separate them and honour each day in its own right
There really is no right or wrong way to do this. Some couples choose to have one big, fabulous wedding day with flavours of both their cultures, while others separate them and honour one partner’s culture on one way, and the other’s on the next. Ceremonies tend to be the part of the day that are most closely tied to each of your cultures so, if you both feel very strongly about doing it your way, having two distinct weddings is best. Many decisions you’ll make when planning a multicultural wedding come down to how deeply you both feel tied to your cultures, and how much ‘presence’ you want them to have – this is a key example of that.
Chhaya and Harry, who married in Spain, celebrated their Indian wedding one day and their Jewish wedding the next, fully embracing each cultural experience.
5. Choose a wedding planner who knows at least one of your cultures
No wedding planner can be an expert in every type of wedding, but we believe it does help if they are knowledgeable about celebrations in at least one of your cultures. There will always be an element of learning and educating throughout the process of planning a multicultural wedding; for you, your families, your wedding planner and suppliers, but having someone on your team who is already up to speed with at least half of what’s happening is a huge advantage.
The Elegante by Michelle J team is expert in Jewish weddings of all levels of observance, and we have experience planning Indian weddings, interfaith weddings, and weddings where neither partner feels a particular affinity to religion or a specific culture. We highly recommend doing your due diligence before saying ‘yes’ to a planner to ensure they can really deliver the best experience for your wedding.
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6. Don’t discount extra, specialist support
With over 10 years experience in wedding planning and lots of knowledge and expertise under our belt, even we don’t pretend to know everything – beware the planner who does! When we need specialist support, we seek it out, all with your best interests at heart. Sometimes this is in the form of bringing along a native language speaker to your destination wedding, and in the case of planning a multicultural wedding this looks like us working with an expert on the subject.
When planning Chhaya and Harry’s Indian-Jewish fusion wedding, we worked with an Indian wedding specialist to help ensure that that side of the celebrations got as much attention to detail, care and expertise as the Jewish side. Our wonderful extra team member came along to the wedding in Spain, assisting with the Haldi and the Jaan, and we absolutely couldn’t have done it without this input.
7. Honour the wishes of your parents/families where important
Working in the Jewish wedding industry, we know how difficult it can be to balance the wishes of both sets of parents and/or families, particularly where cultural norms and traditions are involved. Sometimes the desires of your families don’t match up with what you want for your own wedding, but you feel pressured to oblige them – especially pertinent when they are making financial contributions to the wedding. My professional advice, based on years of helping couples navigate this, is to be open to what it is they are asking for and why, and try to find a solution that makes everybody happy.
There is a lot of talk about ‘doing your wedding your way’ and ‘blocking out the noise’, which in principle sounds wonderful – but weddings are highly emotional events and in reality this is not always possible. Our approach is to be realistic, empathetic and firm, advocating for you as a couple at all times without ending up with disgruntled VIP guests!
8. Which leads nicely onto our next point…work with a planner who can help you navigate these dynamics
Your wedding planner is a neutral third party who has your best interests at heart, and can act as a sort of middle man when family dynamics get tough. Choose someone you trust to uphold your wishes and tactfully work through the situations with you.
Planning a multicultural wedding requires balance & understanding.
9. Having said all of that, DO make sure you honour what YOU want for your wedding
When planning a multicultural wedding it can be easy to get swept up in all the tradition and ceremony, and lose sight of the things that feel important to you as a couple. I recommend highlighting these things with your wedding planner as soon as they come up, so that someone is always keeping them top of mind. These things might be big or small, related to your cultures or not, but we have to make them a priority.
We have seen so many iterations of Jewish weddings with various levels of observance and inclusion and omission of certain elements, so we know exactly how to ensure the cultural essence of your wedding remains no matter what else goes on around it.
10. Get everyone involved in both sides of the wedding
Whether it’s your non-Jewish in-laws being thrown up on chairs during the Hora or your guests being invited to wear traditional dress for your ceremony, help everyone participate in the things that make your wedding yours. Trying to keep the two ‘sides’ of your wedding separate can lead to unease and discomfort, which is the last thing you want. A wedding is always about the coming together of two people and their families, and there is no cultural influence that can override that. Get everyone involved and allow them to revel in every aspect of your celebration.
11. Give your guests clear dress codes and schedules
The last thing anyone wants at a multicultural wedding is for someone to wear, say or do something inappropriate, or for their loved ones to feel like they don’t ‘fit in’. The best way to help everyone understand what is expected and accepted is to give clear guidance on the schedule and dress code(s) for your wedding.
For a multiday wedding comprising two different celebrations, let your guests know what you’d like them to wear for each – something traditionally related to each culture, or standard ‘formal’ wedding attire? If you’d love everyone to turn up in traditional dress, let them know and help them understand where to buy or hire it from if it wouldn’t ordinarily be in their wardrobe. Be clear about what’s happening on each day too, well ahead of time.
12. Choose a mutually agreeable location that accommodates everything you want to do
If you’re planning a multicultural wedding with distinct elements from each of your cultures, choose a destination, venue or area that will work for everything. Chhaya and Harry’s destination wedding took place across 3 different locations to flex to the requirements of each celebration, and we did pre-checks with each venue that we were allowed to do certain things – spreading turmeric paste during the Haldi and letting off coloured smoke bombs during the Indian wedding, for example. We also needed to be able to light a ceremonial fire, and had the chosen venue said it wasn’t allowed we did have another option in mind.
You may be planning just one day in one location and blending your cultures; in this case, make sure you choose somewhere that fits the vibe you’re trying to achieve and allows both of your cultures to be in their element.
13. Consider your suppliers and their experience
Working on a multicultural wedding is a specialist skill for most on-the-day suppliers you’ll hire, particularly your photography and videography team. We always do our due diligence to make sure they have worked on weddings like yours before and therefore know what to expect – Jewish weddings, for example, move very fast at certain points of the day and involve specific elements that are important to catch on camera. If your photographer doesn’t know you’re about to ‘smash the glass’, this symbolic moment could be missed. The same applies to cultural influences of any kind on your wedding, and it may mean that you need to hire different suppliers for different days to fit the brief.
14. Don’t feel pressured to make it a ‘multicultural wedding’
It may not feel authentic to you as a couple to even think about your celebrations as a multicultural wedding. Maybe, to you, it’s just a wedding that doesn’t emphasise either of your cultures – and this is just your reminder that that’s completely fine too. Whatever the backgrounds, beliefs and customs on the undercurrent, weddings are about love – no matter the wrapping.
15. Have fun with it!
Your wedding is a celebration, a chance to be who you are as individuals and as a couple with one day (or a few) that’s pure joy from start to finish. So my final word on the matter of planning a multicultural wedding is to remember this is supposed to be fun – and putting your trust in a great wedding planner is one of the keys to making sure it stays that way.
Images in this blog by Komarenko Barcelona.
CONTACT MICHELLE for UK and destination multicultural wedding planning services:
Fill in our enquiry form and we will be in touch to arrange your complimentary consultation.
Email michelle@elegantebymichellej.com.
