One of the most important aspects of my wedding planning approach is helping you have the Jewish wedding you want, whilst balancing your wishes with all the religious and familial requirements and traditions that are important to you. I work with Jewish couples across the whole spectrum from Jew-ish to Orthodox, and one of the conversations we regularly have at the beginning of the planning process is around kosher catering and destination weddings. How do we handle kosher destination weddings, and what do we do if you are unable to get or just don’t want to have kosher catering in your chosen country? This is your complete guide to how it works, and how to make it work for you.
Many of my Jewish couples wish to have their marriage recognised as an Orthodox wedding, obtaining an Orthodox ketubah* as well as their civil marriage registry. For weddings in the UK, your Rabbi can usually deal with both of these at the same time. If your wedding takes place in a city where kosher catering is available, your Orthodox Rabbi will usually insist upon it being provided. Therefore, many of my couples find that in order to get the officially recognised wedding they want, they need to have kosher catering. Sometimes this is more difficult to find in destination countries, and sometimes couples simply would rather not provide kosher catering at their weddings. In these circumstances there are certain pieces of advice I can give my couples to help them have the wedding they really want.
*A note about the ketubah – this is the Jewish marriage “contract”, and couples often want one that has been issued by an Orthodox authority, so they can produce it in the future when necessary. For example, they may need to show the ketubah if their future children wish to go to Jewish schools and when they in turn wish to get married, as evidence of their maternal line’s Jewish faith.
Jewish wedding ceremonies are permitted to take place anywhere, so long as there is a chuppah structure present. This means yourRabbi can come to wherever this takes place and marry you, but if your wedding celebrations are in the same place as your ceremony then they would usually stipulate that if they are attending to officiate, the catering must be kosher. However, when marrying in a synagogue the Rabbi doesn’t generally have this authority over the reception catering, so if you wish to have your Chuppah and a non-kosher wedding meal, this is one way to achieve that.
Now, onto the puzzle of kosher destination weddings. Often when I travel overseas with my Jewish couples it is not so easy to find kosher catering – though it is definitely not impossible, and we can and do find it in many places! Sometimes your Rabbi will accept that kosher catering is not easily available in your destination country and make an exception, however this is not guaranteed.
At a destination Jewish wedding; if you are bringing your Rabbi from home, he (or she) will not have the authority to deal with both your ketubah and civil registry at the same time, and if marrying overseas you will usually need to have a separate civil ceremony. I often advise my couples to do this at home before their destination wedding, as it is much easier and less expensive than handling all the complicated paperwork and translations involved in doing it abroad. I like to think of this the same way we approach birth certificates; the registration of the birth is not always done on the same day you are born, but you still celebrate your birthday rather than the date it was legally registered! Registering your marriage is much the same, and your destination wedding is the date you will celebrate as your wedding anniversary.
Using this same mindset, in the event that your Rabbi won’t allow you to get your Orthodox ketubah without kosher catering and you really don’t want it, my suggestion would be to forgo your kosher destination wedding in the following way: having a small ceremony in your local Synagogue first to get your ketubah, and then arranging a celebration in another country with a more liberal Rabbi who doesn’t require the kosher catering. Your overseas wedding is, for all intents and purposes, your marriage celebration and you can still have a beautiful and meaningful chuppah.
Whether you are looking to have a kosher destination wedding or not, my deep-rooted knowledge and years of experience in planning Jewish weddings will help guide you. It is possible to achieve the Jewish (or Jew-ish) wedding of your dreams, working with traditions, guidelines and requirements rather than against them. I promise to work with you and your families to deliver a wedding that demonstrates the utmost respect for what must be and what you want to be. Get in touch to start the process and allow yourself to be in expert hands through your Jewish wedding planning process.
Thanks to David Bastianoni for the images used in this post.