At Elegante by Michelle J we are Jewish wedding experts, working with couples across all levels of observance. Some of the questions we get the most are around Jewish wedding timelines, the traditions and customs generally found at a simcha, and how exactly everything will work on the day. Here, we outline the long-established format of a Jewish wedding, and highlight how your own celebration can be tailored in adherence – whether you identify as orthodox, Jew-ish or are having an interfaith marriage.
Jewish wedding timelines are made up of weavings of traditions, history, beliefs and faith, the core of which lead back to the Torah and Talmud. Over centuries, layers have been added and today we have a marriage ceremony and celebratory format that is emotional, joyful and meaningful in equal measure. Before we explore each tradition in turn, it is important to note that we work with couples of all levels of Jewish faith – we believe in balancing the customary with the contemporary, navigating and honouring family dynamics, and giving you the wedding you really want. We have highlighted those parts of the timeline which are required for a Jewish wedding to be legally binding, and indicated where other elements are ceremonial and, therefore, optional.
Jewish Wedding Timelines: The Format
Pre-Ceremony
Before the ceremony begins, Jewish couples can choose to undertake Kabbalat Panim – ‘receiving faces’. For the groom this takes the form of a Tish, where he meets with the other men at the wedding in a private room for singing, dancing, religious readings and general joviality – and, importantly, the reading and signing of the ketubah. The signing, which must have two witnesses, is a legally binding part of Jewish wedding timelines.
Meanwhile, the bride can also have her own Kabbalat Panim. This is generally less common among Elegante by Michelle J couples, as the women often choose to spend the time together with their closest friends and family right up to the point of arrival for the bedeken. Traditionally, the bride does not sign the ketubah but some denominations do now see both partners sign, as a symbol of their mutual commitment.
Bedeken
The bedeken is always a lovely, emotional moment in Jewish wedding timelines – it’s the first moment the bride and groom see each other, usually surrounded by parents, siblings and a rabbi, and is hugely symbolic and intimate in nature. This ceremonial moment is the act of veiling the bride, historically used to ensure the groom was marrying the correct person. Taking place before the ceremony, this can be done in a private room or, as many of our couples prefer, on the aisle in front of guests before the ceremony under the chuppah begins.
This is not a compulsory part of the Jewish wedding day, but it is a beautiful tradition. Many of our less religious and in particular our US couples also choose to have a ‘first look’ (before the bedeken) where bride and groom meet privately before the bedeken, and I personally love this section of the day.
Chuppah ceremony
For a Jewish wedding to be legally binding, the marriage must take place under the chuppah. A chuppah need only be four posts suspending a cloth or sheet, but at Elegante by Michelle J we love to go big and beautiful with the design. Our couples generally opt for abundant floral chuppah decor, and we encourage you to really consider how it will look – this is the most important part of the day, the heart of the wedding, so why not indulge in a wonderful, living canopy while you are blessed in marriage.
There are many ceremonial acts that happen under the chuppah, but the only elements that are compulsory for a legal Jewish marriage are the giving and acceptance of a ring from groom to bride, two male witnesses, and the presence of the couple under the chuppah canopy. The remaining customs and traditions often seen during this part of the day are beautiful, moving and symbolic, and include:
- The procession down the aisle. Usually the bride and groom are accompanied by both parents.
- Circling of the groom by the bride – seven times, traditionally.
- Reading of the ketubah.
- Delivery of the Seven Blessings – the Sheva Brachot, recited over a cup of wine.
- Breaking the glass – representing the destruction of the Temple at Jerusalem, a reminder of Jewish history even in a moment of joy.
- Music and Israeli singing, which can be very emotive – finding the perfect person to sing under your chuppah is very important
Post-ceremony
After the celebratory chuppah ceremony, the bride and groom may optionally go off together for Yichud – a few moments of privacy between the two of them, symbolising the completion of the union. Many of our couples choose to do this, not always for religious reasons but often just to have some time to reflect, celebrate just the two of them, and reconnect before joining their guests for the festivities still to come.
Next on traditional Jewish wedding timelines comes dinner and dancing, with the eating preceded by classic Israeli dancing and the Hora, the act of lifting the bride and groom up on chairs. During this time traditional dances are performed, sometimes with the men and women separated depending on levels of observance. This is an utterly joyful part of the day, and cold towels can be handed out at the end while guests take their seats for their meal.
During the dinner, Jewish weddings usually continue with dancing sets between courses – for more information on choosing your musical entertainment, read our dedicated blog about the possibilities here.
How do Jewish wedding timelines differ at destination weddings?
If you’re looking to get married abroad, you’re in the right place – we have over a decade’s worth of experience planning Jewish destination weddings. In many ways the timeline remains the same as it would in your home country – the major difference is that we start later in the day, particularly if you are marrying in a hot country. Holding your ceremony after the peak sun hours means the wedding is a lot more comfortable for you and your guests.
Some couples worry that this later start means cutting short their party time later in the evening. If this is important for you, we can choose to have a shorter drinks reception, find a venue that will offer a late licence, or organise an afterparty to ensure you get all the dancing hours you want. We generally find, though, that guests who have travelled a long way to be at your wedding are usually grateful for a reasonable finish time – there has never been an Elegante by Michelle J wedding with ‘not enough of a party’!
How to incorporate Jewish wedding traditions in interfaith weddings?
As we mentioned earlier, we often work with interfaith couples where one partner is not Jewish. In these cases, we work closely with you to determine how you want to balance your wedding. Some couples decide to have their Jewish wedding ceremony on one day and a second ceremony the next, for example Chhaya and Harry who married in Spain and celebrated both a Hindu and a Jewish wedding on consecutive days. It’s also entirely possible to have a blended wedding day; we are huge advocates of having the wedding you really want and that feels meaningful and personal to you, so if that means combining traditions and customs we will help you make that work.
Our reputation for delivering exceptional Jewish weddings both at home and abroad means you can trust us to plan, design and coordinate your celebration with finesse, tact and attention to detail. Showstopping Jewish weddings are what we do – get in touch to experience the signature sparkle of Elegante by Michelle J’s full planning service.
Images by David Bastianoni, James Mason, Alex Wysocki, Violeta Minnick